Take Me On Your Mighty Wings Across the Sky

2004-01-08T21:39:00.000-05:00

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Rain: You are the sound of rain. You have two
important sides. There is your strong, powerful
side and your calm, gentle side. Both are very
important. Rain also reflects a bit of darkness
in your personality. It isn't bad, just shows
that along with the good, you also can see bad,
which can come in handy. (please rate my quiz)

alt="Aphrodite">
Aphrodite/Eros

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

2003-12-29T23:13:00.000-05:00

Your obsessed

You walk around in your boondock p-coat. Your
weapons of choice are some rope, a rambo knife
and an irish accent. Your a good
person.........and your part of the boondock
flock......destroy all that which is deceitful,
so that which is good my flourish.

Are you obsessed with the Boondock saints?
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cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed
size="-1">What Sign of Affection Are You?
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2003-12-29T11:07:00.000-05:00

the bad hasnt gone away but i still feel the need to write. i dont know if its to clear my head or my thoughts of the negative or to complain and whine in which case the "waaaaa-bulance" may have to be called. have i been stupid, treasuring something i found that realli was never mine to brag about? feeling let down & stuck in a perpetual limbo as a good friend once put it, im stuck. i do whatever i can push myself to do. i always have some limitations and right now i feel like im stuck under a mountain of them. it seems like i always put myself out there with boys, friends, family; yet somehow i always get burned. im not denying that there is some small good left in the world but for the innocent girl who thought that the world was still good and that people were still inherently good, i fall hard into guys and friends and family, and i get hurt. focus on the good? i dont know anymore. i want to stay upbeat and positive and radiant, cuz for a while, yeh thats how i felt. and it was perfect and i was happy and nothing could get me down. i want to know how to get back to that. am i slighting people i shouldnt be? perhaps. and how dare i do that if thats true! but on the other hand, i am getting slighted as well and how dare anyone else? why do we overlook people's feelings sometimes when i we choose to act, or not to act. why do we let people pull at our emotions and our hearts until we're so torn we cant even see straight.

You're Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. You see
that the person you loved screwed you over and
you can't help but think it's your fault. You
sit there and cry and feel depressed. The
remedy for that is to forget about it and move
on. There are better people. Don't dwell on the
past.

yeh thats kinda interesting. cuz i never let go and yeh...

i know i long for love of my own, from a boy, from my family, from my friends. "deep inside your eyes im blinded by your love, still i run so far just to find that im alone again"

--thats poetic, thats pathetic... will it mean that its the end and im alone?--

seeing as i wont be doing anything on new years eve cuz my " lets have rider new years " friends... never got back to me... ill be working tues and wed and sittin on my ass wed nite, doin nothing.

heres to ringin in the new year..... i dont have a resolution yet... perhaps to find that inner strength, that light that was once burning so bright inside of me, and keep it goin forever. hmm.... scratches imaginary beard! " there there huh, there there, its gonna be a happy new year "

i want to be happy and positive. i dont want to dwell. i dont let go of things but i want to be happy and social and watnot. blah blah blah. thats enough for now.

i read joes blog and looking back, i dont know who/what i would reach out to from bga. theres a few. joes def. one of them! hehe. ms opi who i see, jackie lach, christina, mike... i dunno. its early & i just got up. do i rekindle those old flames of friendship... wat do i want anymore? love & friendship & family. heres to a hot hot hot sweat sweet wet wet wet red heat kind of a shower!

2003-12-24T01:02:00.000-05:00

i wanna be with my friends and people who realli love me. i need that more than anything. i need love too. yeh. its on my mind... alot. as for that whole thing i dont know wat to feel or think. im so tired rite now i can barely think to write, so sorry for anyone silly enough to read this. new years eve, yeh we'll see who comes. im so lucky to have the friends i found at school & i want them with me now. hehe. i feel so whiny lately. and not myself here. i dunno anymore. sad feelings and sleepers which kills me every time.... i dunno how good im doin lately.

2003-12-22T21:09:00.000-05:00

kjhsljlfded

2003-12-18T23:45:00.000-05:00

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
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2003-12-14T16:30:00.000-05:00

Deep inside your eyes
I am blinded by your love
Still I run so far just to find that
I'm alone again

--12 stones--

something a lil fun....

Everyone remembers the 'faked-orgasm-in-a-deli'
sequence from your kind of movie When Harry Met
Sally. It seems that you're falling for a buddy
or have already fallen for them. Uh-oh. You're
probably caught between the possibility of
having a great relationship and wrecking the
one you have now. You know what they say, it's
better to regret something you did than
something you didn't do.

What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-07T03:16:00.000-05:00

i did wat i had to do. coulda been better coulda been worse. i was expecting worse tho. dave would be proud of me. sara and steph were. i owe these three people my sanity!

work for finals is ridiculous... and im still buried.

snowmen & snowball fights... theres nothing better!

the last samurai was amazing, absolutely amazing. getting stuck ... wasnt. hungry & freezing... but hey, make the most.

badly timed phone calls... can seriously dampen spirits.

boondock saints was a realli good movie! had a great night. ramen party and all. and i win.

a vague and disheartening IM.... foreshadowing for something bad... realli makes me worry.

it grows closer to christmas break and although im totally excited to see my family and my extended family and my husband and work with my italy gourmet boys... i dont want to leave. my friends here are the best anyone could ever have and i will honest to god practically cry when i leave here for a month and a half. it makes me wanna cry... the things & revelations that could happen over a month and a half ... scares the hell outta me.

"run and tell the angels that everythings alrite..."

2003-12-03T01:28:00.000-05:00

Warm [November] nights
You came and cuddled next to me
Our noses brushed so close
I wished it was our souls
Drifting off to sleep
I could hear the little snores you made
Watching eyes shut tight
Like doors to something sweeter where you rest

Tear me off a piece of blanket
Keep me warm and we can make it
Here's my heart, I'll let you break it
Touched your skin and I can't take it

Light will creep in soon
And I still haven't slept a wink
I wish the sun would hide its head
So I could watch you dream some more
I wanna watch you dream some more

I wanna watch you dream some more
I wanna watch you dream some more [boy]
I wanna watch you

-- yellowcard--

2003-11-30T20:32:00.000-05:00

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - Ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

my husband and i decided that this was the most romantic, sweetest love song you can get... ive always loved it. its just one of those ::sigh:: love songs.... i love it.

thansgiving was wonderful.... Staten Island is always the same, the same dependable door to my childhood... and i come back with the accent so its awesome. and seeing my family was great. not a single fight, which is rare. i felt like i was rite where i belonged. and seeing my husband again was hysterical...giggles and questions later... plans were made. hehe. it was a great day.

i spoke to my husband a lot over break & dave too. i love dave to death. hes always there for me and always has advice. one of the sweetest hearts ive ever seen, hes a special one! his advice is the right advice and i cant bring myself to do it.... i wish i could.... but im chicken & afraid of wat might happen if i say something to him.

italy gourmet will always hold a special place in my heart...always. sammy gave me a hug the second he saw me, rudy kissed me, gary gave me an apron and put me to work, and juan screamin "CHRISTEENAAA" from the back...made my day. i love these boys in such a special way! sammys doin a lil better, rudy is stressed to the bone but he looks better. they are the most adorable men ! hehe. gotta luv em. it hit me how much i used to luuuuvvv my boss. hehe. handsome guy he is. they changed the store around, totally. so i stole some bocconcini and 1.5 hours later... i left. didnt want to... but had to.

well im back at school and things pick up exactly from where they left off...and its a comfort to know. and i love it. my friends here are amazing. just amazing. no one ever made me laugh and smile the way they do... i thank god for what hes given me here. drama and all. i love it. i wish i could do wat i had to do to take care of the drama cuz its in my hands but i cant.

the next day...

well its decided...i gotta do sumthing. say sumthing. my advice panel says so. i agree. but it scares the bejesus outta me. im scared to death taht ill get hurt. is it certain... yeh prolli. makes my heart beat so fast and i feel scared and sad. sigh. i havent been sleepin well & things feel strange.

out for jess's birthday...that was awesome!! lots of fun, good food, lots of laughs. happy 19 jess!

i have so many friends rite now who are havin some tough times and im worried for them.... my heart is gettin pulled in so many different ways...

"lets make it all for love"

2003-11-01T21:51:00.000-05:00

Denver, the last dinosaur
He's my friend and a whole lot more
Denver, the last dinosaur
Shows me a world I never saw before

Everywhere we go
We don't really care
If people stop and stare
At our pal dino
Creating history thru the rock n' roll spotlight
We've got a friend who helps us, we can do alright

That's Denver, the last dinosaur
He's my friend and a whole lot more
Denver, the last dinosaur
Shows me a world I never saw before.

i havent written in so long, yet there have been countless times where ive sat down, brought up my little blog site, and have been bowled over with a whirlwind of emotions and memories, leaving me unable to write a word. well im gonna try now and as ive warned a dear friend, i may come across as having ADD, or just plain ol' schizophrenia.

the last time i left this place, i wasnt doing very good. i was somewhere where i got hurt, over and over, by someone who didnt care. but then, from MAACness on, things started to turn around. i had so much fun planning for maacness and setting up. the future group kicked some serious ass, even if it took us a lot longer. larry and i, we had everything under control. we had such a blast setting up. i walked outta maacness with ... a bronc in a white john travolta suit teeshirt, a lost boys poster ( which is now hangin up in my room ) and a new friend, brian. we watched lost boys that nite, in steves room. steve stole a cop. poor guy, never saw it coming. so days later, and even more movies in between... and my B3rd girls who got my back, throw in a new friend, mike... and ive got a great group of friends. the best, even better than wat i could ever ask for. im still being fucked with by someone who i dont even want to have in my life anymore. and he is now involving sara too. but we're not gonna freak out thats wat they want. and ive got people in my corner like no joke. so thanks to everyone who has offered to verbally/emotionally/grammatically/ecumenically/physically bash that motherfucker. hehe. it feels so good to have people on your side who realli care about you. i have been having so much fun since maacness. granted ive been working like a motherfucker but my grades have been kicking ass and ive been happy. realli. not perfectly because there is enough drama here to choke someone, but ive been good. i dont like that someone is messin with me the way he is... especially since our history, ... but o well. shit happens. he just better back down soon. fuck it. so wat else....

haunted state penitentiary... that was the eeriest thing from the outside then rather fake but fun as fuck on the inside. i had an amazing time. hehe im one tough little cookie but brian still may have claw marks in his arms from me grabbin him. sorry bud! this was a bam-no-show. o well. it was so much fun.

dinner at toms house, puppies and realli good pizza, lots of laughs. and countless movies, and pirates of the caribbean...johnny depp orlando bloom and amazing company. wat more can a girl ask for. umm, politics midterm...survived with a B+ baby! kickin ass in my classes and havin fun.

steph is the most amazing person in world not onli for wat im gonna write next but just because shes her...but lemme just say... when a friend finds out that bam margera, your god and idol, is going to be in your hometown in less than an hour and she drops everything to take you there... thats someone who realli cares, and kicks ass. i met bam margera in parlin october 28th! i was squealing and squeaking and screaming and yeh. omigod hes more adorable in person. like ooooo! he...talked to me, breathed on me, hugged me, took a pic with me and signed my poster and dvd. i could barely breathe for the rest of the nite. his eyes are killer!! hes soo freakin hot and talented and a skater and just yeeehhhh. hehe. for fucks sake...we met bam margera! woo woo!!

umm i realli have no sense of time which im told is a good thing when reflecting because all the good things have blurred over the bad and swirled around your head so much that you cant keep things straight. i can go for that. so i no sense of time...

family day and finding nemo and good non-dalys food and ruby tuesdays... and having brand new people get terrified with diana. it was a good day. more shit today with the asshole from A3rd. my dad wanted to "talk" to him, which basically meant let me run him over with my car, castrate him, and feed him to the pygmy geese down at disease lake. yeh. but i said no. it was gorgeous outside today. the flips were kickin.

texas chainsaw massacre... i was the onli girl who liked it. everyone else was like lets leave lets get outta here its gross its digusting its gory... haha. i loved it. granted it made me jump into brians arms but thats great! way to go scary as all hell movie! it was a great flick. i wanna watch the original. we had a good time.

o shit i forgot. we took diana to the hospital... yeh. her true friends did anyway. we were there until... 1215 or sumthing like that. so much pain and wat was it... dun dun dun .... tendonitis. i wanted to smack her. i laugh now. haha.

ive got a pretti sweet but difficult guy situation goin on now and i wont get into details here. haha. ive got amazing guys in my life rite now. the best. here at home and even at rowan and ramapo. hehe. theres just some serious chaos goin on in my <3 department, but no one is hurting me on purpose so im good.

"carpe diem, seize the day, make your lives extraordinary!" thats how i feel right now. i have stress and drama, more than i want, but my spirit is soo high. hehe. ive been laughing so much and ive felt like people have realli cared about me lately.

"run and tell the angels that everythings alrite."

2003-10-23T03:43:00.000-04:00

ive got a million things to say and i dont want to sit here rehash everything, cuz im feelin pretty good rite now. and i also dont want to check my comments just to see my sad little previous paragraph...so....

i love my rider crew to death. you guys rock my socks!

2003-10-12T19:23:00.000-04:00

What a whirlwind it has been here. I've gone thru rises and falls, highs and lows. and chaos and craziness thru out. The tears that have been shed are impossible to count. Homesickness and worries about papers and tests and teachers and school and not havin enough time to breathe. and tears from friends and roomie's and kids who left and especially boys. There have been smiles and laughs and hugs and kisses to fill in the gaps. but still, rite now my heart is a bit broken. boys are stupid. yeh. he's got something good staring him straight in the face and nope, does and doesnt want me. and the more im with him the more i like him. im stupid.

whirlwind... yeh.

2003-10-09T08:46:00.000-04:00

i like him more than i want to admit. i really do. every second that im with him i like him more and its killing me.

2003-09-23T23:49:00.000-04:00

Am i better?
Am i pretending?
Do i just ignore?
i dont know.
classes -- good.
social -- pretty good dude.
boys -- suprisingly well.
work -- devastating.
being alone -- killing me.
being away -- killing me.
i dont know what to say anymore.
cant call anyone. it hurts too bad.
no one here to talk to seriously.
i feel lost.
does anyone love me? talk to me!

im holding on as much as i can. i dont know who i am anymore. i dont like being sad.

2003-09-22T23:57:00.000-04:00

schizotypal

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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2003-09-16T16:11:00.000-04:00

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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Pirates of the Caribbean!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
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2003-09-14T08:14:00.000-04:00

"im thwarted my a metaphysic puzzle..."

i love the classes here. they are perfect. even its theres a lot of work.

i love the new friends i fell in with. they are beyond funny and sweet. not to mention that the guys are fun to watch sing dance and strip.

so these things i love about being here.

the first one i have no matter wat my decision.
the second may be compromised by commuting or going home on weekends.

but i want to be home. the solitude i feel here during the week and any five minute period that im alone makes me upset, sad, panicky, and shaky. Not happy.

so what do i do?

i want to be home. i want to come home after my classes end. but then, i want the social life with the new friends that ive found. i cant have both. it doesnt and wont work out. so now what? i cant figure it out!

therefore...
i am going home today, talking with Mr. Myagi, coming back later on today, seeing how that feels ( to kinda spend the weekend at home, which ill be doing again next weekend ) then spending the whole week here again, sleeping and all, and finally i will spend the next week commuting. i have to know all my options and how ill feel with all of them. i feel like no solution will be enough to give me what i want.

im unhappy here and yet i want to be here for my new friends. im so confused that it makes me feel more lost than ever. im different on the weekend than during the week. ive onli hung out with them on the weekends. well, friday and sat. but still...i gotta know how ill feel durign the week.

i owe my parents my life rite now. they are so supportive and loving and caring and are really slighting my sister to help me. they are being totally open to options and have tried to keep me as happy/upbeat/not crying as much as they can. thank you god for them.

so if anyone has opinions, suggestions, critiques, viewpoints...id love to hear them. i need all the guidance i can get.

2003-09-13T00:42:00.000-04:00

mobile fuck box
if you get me wet, i'll reproduce.

2003-09-11T16:11:00.000-04:00

im considering on commuting from now on. i want to. sumthing here is making me unhappy and i cant shake it and i cant change how i feel. is 10 days enough time? i dont know. but im certifiably miserable. i want to commute. i dont see me feeling any better any time soon and its been 10 days of tears and agony. i cant hold on much longer. i want home.

my parents want me to stay and talking to them on the phone is soo heartbreaking because we fight. we're mean and nasty and never listen. m2 is the onli one who seems to understand me. or wants to at least accept that wat i feel is real and not some fleeting feeling. i cant even talk to my mom the same way anymore. we were so close before and ive never felt more distant.

i want them to believe in me. and my feelings. and my decision. they dont. my spirit is so low here and i worked my ass off to be a better me. shes my best friend and we cant talk...that sucks. yeh.

im unhappy and theres no solution in sight.

kristen

2003-09-07T10:27:00.000-04:00

The College Kids

Im a ca-moo-ter.
Bugs.
Make the roadrunner sound! Meep Meep.
Cows dont say moo...they say...
Bouncer's at my door.
I close my foot in the fridge.
I fell off the bed.
I stubbed my toe.
Creation, Vacation, Mucho Masturbation.
Is there an echo on the this phone?
Not a heckle, an echo!
Jackass & Bam.
Boy talk.
For fuck's sake.
Ice Cubes in the freezer.
Work em on your knee!
Larger than life.
Get some two-sided-tape.

2003-09-03T09:47:00.000-04:00

Do to a general feeling of unhappiness ( im fuckin' miserable )
:o(
...
a tribute --->

[After disturbing a golf game with an air horn]
Angry Golfer: Didn't I tell you I was going to come over here and kick your ass for that?
Johnny Knoxville: But...I'm sorry. I got bursitis.
Angry Golfer: You got bursitis.
Johnny Knoxville: Yeah.
Angry Golfer: So that means you gotta play with a horn?
Johnny Knoxville: It helps.
Angry Golfer: I'll give you something to play with, pal!

Ryan Dunn: I'm surrounded by cacti, for fuck's sake...IT'S CACTI!

Bam Margera: Whose dick do I gotta suck to get some explosions around here?

Johnny Knoxville: Did you see the way I stopped the beanbag with my stomach? That's instinct. You can't teach that.

Johnny Knoxville: I think I'm a little concussed.

2003-09-02T15:25:00.000-04:00

im fuckin' miserable.

2003-08-31T15:35:00.000-04:00

"for fuck's sake, its cacti."

move in day tomorrow. im terrified. tearfully terrified.

2003-08-10T00:40:00.000-04:00

When it's love you give
(I'll be a man of good faith.
then in love you live.
I'll make a stand. I won't break.
I'll be the rock you can build on,
be there when you're old,
to have and to hold.
When there's love inside
I swear I'll always be strong.
then there's a reason why.
I'll prove to you we belong.
I'll be the wal that protects you
from the wind and the rain,
from the hurt and pain.

Let's make it all for one and all for love.
Let the one you hold be the one you want,
the one you need,
'cause when it's all for onee it's one for all.
When there's someone that should know
then just let your feelings show
and make it all for one and all for love.

When it's love you make
I'll be the fire in your night.
then it's love you take.
I will defend, I will fight.
I'll be there when you need me.
When honor's at stake,
this vow I will make:

that it's all for one and all for love.
Let the one be the one you want,
the one you need,
'cause when it's all for one it's one for all.
When there's someone that should know
then just let your feelings show
and make it all for one and all for love.

Don't lay our love to rest
'cause we could stand up to you test.
We got everything and more than we had planned,
more than the rivers that run the land.
We've got it all in our hands.

Now it's all for one and all for love.
It's all for love.
Let the one you hold be the one you want,
the one you need,
'cause when it's all for one it's one for all.
It's one for all.
When there's someone that should know
then just let your feelings show.
When there's someone that you want,
when there's someone that you need
let's make it all, all for one and all for love.

--bryan adams, All for Love4--

ive been watching all kinds of movies lately. basically my favourites list. comedy action drama 80s soundtracks hehe. good times. i feel the need to write but im overcome with laziness. ill try.

these past few weeks have been so wonderful. great guys at work, a great SR guy, hanging out with friends, or at least trying to. hanging out with matt. he makes me smile all the time. even going to a youth group thing, tony melendez and steve angrisano. tim sayin he'll call. staten island and peter. being more socially outgoing. hangin out with the opi and tina. helen and matt always being there. people getting involved in drugs and drinking. i havent seen bre or jack in such a long time. theres so much to worry about but im not gonna focus on it. ive been so happy.

love and friendship is all i will ever need. the onli thing i dont have is the first one. ill just stay in with my music movies books friends and my own insanity. :o)

"rich im getting swimmer's ear"